A Year of Living
If I look back at my life, I can see two different versions of how I have shown up that has taken place over the many years I have now lived…
Firstly, the times where I have slowed down and prioritised living very intentionally. I have felt into my body, my sensitivities, my desires, my intuition and on the flip side of that have had to make difficult decisions, say no more and held space for both the positive, as well as the more negative side of things.
Secondly, the times I have felt it’s all a bit much. The times I have preferred to live in the grey or the beige areas. The times I have said yes to easy reach things like endless Instagram scroll sessions, or ‘just another glass of wine’ to ignore what is really happening in my life. And saying no to the things that bring feeling back in my body - like creating, sitting with myself, and relationships that ask more of me than surface level connections.
There are entire blocks of my life that are easily recognisable now of times I lived in full colour and full feeling and those I chose or felt forced to mute it all down.
History tells me that the muted times usually come, understandably, after times of great pain and upheaval in my life. Where I have forgotten, whilst within battle, that continuing to live with a feeling of intentionality is actually the truer and more beneficial way for me. Instead, in the short term, I have reached for the quick-and-easy fixes to numb it all out and wait for a clearer time.
COVID lockdowns ended years ago, yet I still feel confined.
I am no longer around people who were keen to make me feel small, yet I have not claimed my fullness back.
The difficult news of the world has the ability to bring on feelings of powerlessness every single day.
The greed, pain and fear that are ruling things feels like a dark grey cloud over us all.
It has all taken its toll on what has already been a few challenging personal years for me.
I have found myself back moving at a quick pace and mostly on auto pilot.
Thankfully though, I have found myself returning to a much-needed clearing.
And although I have gratitude for the small ways I have gotten through the past few difficult years, I am no longer really interested in staying there.
History continues to teach that the antidote to all that is difficult, is the opposite – love, joy, grief, presence, creativity, wisdom – all the things I know come back online when I make space for that more sensitive and beautiful side of life.
I’ve been doing it in small ways, here and there, but it also feels I am only just starting to poke my head out of the cave to see what’s happening outside.
I want, or actually, I need more.
So, guess what, friends? I am going to give myself some more!
For the next twelve months I am setting myself a new challenge each month and I am calling it…
A YEAR OF LIVING!
I am so excited, I have planned it all out and of course, have connected certain activities to what makes sense to the season I will be in. The very first month, which will start on the 1st of July is… (drumroll please)..
A month of Breath.
Sigh.
Thank goodness.
Because breath is the single most important thing in us living. Because so often in the past few years I have found myself in a difficult situation and holding my breath.
Where else is there to possibly begin?
This isn’t my first time of exploring intentional breath, but it has been quite some time since I have been there. And I will say, any previous experience of me slowing down to enjoy and indulge in intentional breath, it has been something that has felt far more of a push than a pull in. The Wim Hof Method and Tony Robbins Priming exercises, although I am sure (and is apparently proven) to be amazingly helpful for some people – feel far too aggressive for in this slow and quiet season I find myself. So, I won’t be doing things that way this time.
Instead, I am setting myself the goal of one ten-minute intentional breathing block per day. What I have landed on is:
Inhale deeply through the nose.
Exhale while making a low, “Hooooo" humming sound for as long as I can comfortably hold the breath out.
Repeat for at least 5 minutes each day
I am going to then take another 5 minutes following the breathing practice to simply sit and be still.
A beautiful beginning to my year ahead and a practice that sits perfectly in the second month or winter. Quiet, reflective, intentional. Yes.
Interested in joining me? I’d love to hear from you!
Otherwise, I will be quietly doing my thing and will jump back online later in July with my reflections from a month of breath, as well as the introduction of the focus of my second month of living.
Wishing you a beautiful July.
With love, Diana
Written by storyteller, celebrant and founder of Ceremonial, Diana Fisk.